the funny thing about time,
is that you get to think about a lot of things.
and i'm trying my hardest not to think.
but last night mid conversation,
i came to a shocking realization of something.
something i'm not proud of.
see the funny thing is,
i've forgiven myself, and i feel forgiven by the Lord,
but i'm so ANGRY with the third party in this one.
i feel totally taken advantage of.
i really do.
i've realized i haven't forgiven you for it.
you made me feel like it was all my fault.
and i put myself through so much guilt over it.
and i'm so angry about the situation.
it's just too bad you don't even know what i'm talking about.
or even CARE for that matter because, let's face it,
that is SO not your strong suit.
and honestly there's no point in fighting about it.
it's not like even could if i wanted to.
and that makes me even more mad.
i'm sure the anger will cease eventually,
and i might even learn to forgive it,
but i'm upset.
and as much as i know i am partly to blame for this,
i truly blame you now and i am so mad.
i am grateful for time
because then my eyes can finally be opened to what
i would never have seen on my own.
and i see you for what you really are,
and slowly the hurt and the pain is ceasing,
but my anger and frustration,
and mostly disgust is starting to settle in,
and i see things as they really are.
i see you for who you really are.
even if you can't see and are choosing not to.
and i'm so grateful that it's all over now.
i truly am.
i just hope and pray that i can forgive you one day.
i really do.
and i realize i have to actually want that
for it to actually happen.
and right now i don't really want to.
so there.
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