i have only a few moments to write.
but i feel like i need to get this out.
i've been thinking about you lately,
i mean, not like that,
but i realize that i am just too angry with you to forgive and forget
and most importantly move on.
like i said before i have never been in this position
and i've been so confused and so hurt.
i realize that you didn't do anything intentionally to hurt me.
but i have spent so much time convincing myself
that you did and how much of an asshole that i think you are
i think deep down because i was afraid if i wasn't angry i would just hurt more.
and i'm just so done hurting.
and i'm so done being angry.
and i realize that i am the only one who is holding myself back from moving on
with all the anger i have towards you.
i have never hated someone so much.
but i don't like being angry.
i hate the feeling.
you know that.
i still have mixed emotions over a certain night.
and just possibly you know what i'm talking about.
i blamed myself for that for so long,
that when i got the chance i just blamed you completely
and drove all my anger towards that.
completely resurfacing something i thought
i had forgiven both you and me for.
i am only human and i am learning.
and i can't get mad at you for not being perfect either.
we all make mistakes.
and i'm grateful for jackie
because through her story,
i understand your side of everything.
or at least i hope it's what you're going through.
and even if it's not, i guess i will never know.
but it's brought me comfort to think
that's the position you are in.
i just want you to know that i do not regret one thing.
about us, and about meeting you,
but i am sorry for all the things i have said and done to you in my anger
and i want you to know that.
i'm sorry that things had to go own the way that they did.
and as much as i wish sometimes that things could have turned out any other way
than it did,
i'm starting to see that everything happens for a reason.
and i want to forgive you so badly for everything.
i really do.
and i try so hard to understand and forgive.
i just hope you understand that it is so hard to let go
of the first person you ever truly love.
and i'm trying.
and maybe you never really get over it completely.
and because of everything we've gone through,
w'e're always gonna be connected.
and i just want to get to that point where i can look back and smile and
feel grateful for the chance i had to have you in my life.
to the point where if i see you at some random point in the future,
i wont want to hurt you.
and i hope things work out for you in the future.
things are already looking up for me,
and all the things i've ever wanted are beginning to fall into place.
i'm starting over completely new
and i couldn't be happier about the way
my life has played out and continues to play out.
i believe god has a plan.
so good luck with everything,
and i'm sorry.
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