grandpa murphy

the day of lyndsie's graduation we found out that my grandpa had passed away in his sleep.

it was really sad news.

but he has been sick for years with emphysema.

and so i am just happy for him that he is not suffering anymore.

but this brought on a lot of realizations for me.

i look back and i took for granted that he would always be here.

and there were things i wanted to pick his brain about

especially when it comes to family history things

and most of all i felt regret.

regret that i didnt get to know him while he was still here on earth.

sure i had spent plenty of time with him as a child,

but like i said, things chnge when you get older because you can have an adult kinda relationship and i ever had the chance or i guess in better words never made the chance to have a relationship with him.

and that guilt and that sorrow has been weighing so heavy on my mind.

and it saddens me.

while i was in california for his memorial services i got the opportunity 

to learn about his life, and see how he spent his days, to stay at his house.

i felt like i got to have sort of a fast track relationship with him.

and the the first night i stayed over there i could just feel his presence there with me,

comforting me and letting me know that it really was o.k.

after all this isn't the end right?!

and it was like i could hear his voice sayin hey jessie!

and like i could feel him giving me a huge warm hug.

and though i know i am going to have to learn to move past this,

i know that it's o.k.

mom made a huge poster board of pictures of grandpa throughout his life

and going through old pitures of me as a baby and my grandpa,

i could just see how much he loved me and how happy he was.

i know this will sound dumb,

but i never knew how much my grandpa loved me until i took that trip.

i could see it in every picture right in front of my eyes.

it's things like that you never notice as a kid.

you just see it as a good smiley picture.

and i just felt so much love being there in sacremento.

i do have to say that even though i never had a terrific relationship with my grandfather,

i do have the upmost respect for him.

because when my mom was a kid he kinda just let her do her own thing and never really questioned it.

from the time she shaved her eyebrows off and him acting like he didnt notice to the moment my parents joined the church.

he is the only person who has never given us any grief about our choice of religion.

and for that i respect that. 

i know it's not easy to accept the way things can be or the choices that people make, 

and it's hard to keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself,

but i respect him for that.

for never giving us any grief on the things we believe.

i do love my grandfather very much.

and i know he was a very honorable and loving man.

and i am so grateful for,

as hard and eventful as the week was,

that i was able to go to california and spend the time with my family and get to know my grandfather even though he has moved on in this next stage of things.

we got the opportunity to spend quite some time down ad the VFW

where my grandfather quite frequented and it was so much fun getting to know all of the people that cared about him the most.

heck i go the chance to sing karaoke in the canteen!!

and it was a blast.

it was a time in my life i will never forget and i will forever hold those memories close to my heart.

God be with you 'til we meet again.

in memory of patrick l. murphy

january 11, 1935-May 15, 2011